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BRS Presidential Campaign Coverage

on Thursday, March 17 2016. Posted by Rabbi Efrem Goldberg

As many of you know, Boca Raton Synagogue’s amazing President, Dr. David Wolgin, is completing his term in a few months and it is time to look towards electing our next President. A number of individuals have suggested that they would make excellent candidates for the elite and coveted position of President of our BRS community. They have submitted their position statements with us and we proudly share them with you:

Binyamin Sanderfeld – “For way too long the Pillar Society has had all of the clout and all of the say in the BRS community. When I become President, we will dissolve the Pillar Society, and we will take all of their money and spread it to those on dues adjustment. And I want to say one more thing. Let me say one more thing, ok? Jewish day school is a right and should be free for every child. Under President Sanderfeld there will be no tuition, zero tuition for anyone, anywhere. And I will tell you another thing. Let me say another thing, ok? We are gonna get rid of membership dues. No dues, not Pillar Society, not family dues, not single dues, no dues. The other candidates all received aliyahs and other honors. Me? I never took an honor. Not one. Ever. The ritual committee doesn’t own me because I don’t owe anything to them. No other candidate is gonna stand up to the gabbaim, but I can and I will.”

Tevya Cruzinsky – “I am the only candidate that has a chance to win. My friends, the Shul’s civility policy has been a disaster. On my very first day in office, I pledge to you that I will rescind the policy and replace it with something much, much better. And in terms of those who are in our shul illegally and not members in good standing, on day one of President Cruzinsky, they will be deported, every single one of them. One more thing. The Rabbis of BRS have too much power and have grown too big. This is not the way the founding members set up the BRS constitution. I have argued before the executive board many times and I know the BRS constitution. We will shrink the staff and I will give the power back to the people.”

Yonatan Kasichheimer – “You don’t have to tell me what this position entails, because I’ve been presiding over synagogues for thirty years! Those synagogues doubled their membership revenue and the Kiddush got hot food. Heck, I assigned high holiday seating and had to make real decisions and work with people on both sides of the mechitza. I look forward to speaking at shalosh seudos because I haven’t been given many opportunities to talk. If I only got some attention I know you will choose me to be the next BRS President.”

Meir Rubioson – “I hereby suspend my candidacy for President of BRS. I believe what did me in was being labeled a member of the “Gang of Ten” who advocated for amnesty for those who attended the breakaway minyan last Simchas Torah. I am proud that I ran an optimistic campaign and promoted what could be the greatest BRS century. I am the son of immigrants to BRS who came from Long Island. My father wasn’t embarrassed to serve at the gala Kiddush. He would never believe that just one generation later, his son, barely over bar mitzvah, could be running for President. Even though I am no longer a candidate, I pledge to you that I will still wait for the rabbi to make Kiddush before taking a drink of water.”

Hindy Clintonberg – “BRS needs someone who has served in shuls for many years and knows how to work with the board and get things done. We have a serious problem. I hear from too many people how their lives were negatively impacted by all the talking during davening. There are lots and lots of siddurim available for davening, and there is too much talking during davening. The RCA wants MORE siddurs in shuls. They say that siddurs don’t talk, PEOPLE talk! But they are wrong and so I will work to ensure that we have tighter siddur control. And another thing, the shul sends out way too many emails. I will run the email system on my own server to be able to control how many go out and I will personally determine the clearance of what is appropriate to distribute. For too long, the minority minyanim in our community have been discriminated against. Under President Clintonberg, people will know that shtiebel lives matter. Vote for me and we will break the glass Magen Dovid skylight as we mark our first BRS woman President.”

Doniel Trumpenstein – “When is the last time BRS won anything? People are trying to sneak onto Montoya Circle. They are bad people. Ok? Bad people. They talk during davening and they eat at the Kiddush and they are not legal members. So I am going to build a wall. It is going to be a yuuuge wall and you know what else? The Young Israel and Boca Jewish Center are going to pay for it.   They are going to pay for the wall and it is going to be amazing. Everyone is saying it will be tremendous. We aren’t going to lose in our negotiations any more because I am going to send super smart people like Little Broide.   I am sick of losing to the OU and YU and AIPAC. We give them weekends and what do we get in return? It’s sad. Sad! Trust me you want me to be President because BRS will win so much you will beg me to stop winning. And everyone is saying I should change the name to TRUMP BRS, which I will probably do. Ok? It’s time to Make BRS Great Again!”

Obviously, as a Rabbi of a 501(c)(3) I cannot endorse any candidate or particular minyan from which they come. However, I will remind you it is a great responsibility and privilege to vote. So on Election Day, make your vote count.

Happy Purim!

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