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My Emails Were Hacked, I Can’t Believe These Got Out…

on Thursday, March 9 2017. Posted by Rabbi Efrem Goldberg

Image result for russian hackers

Recently, Russian hackers broke into my email and have threatened to share these particularly sensitive emails unless I meet their demands.  I refuse to be blackmailed and so to take away their leverage, I am preempting them and sharing the emails with you myself with some information redacted.  I am obviously very embarrassed and regret that I used my own personal server instead of the Shul’s more secure one.

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From: R’ Efrem Goldberg baldisbeautiful@cutebeard.com
To: ——- imakemostBaaleiteshuva@gmail.com
Date: January 2, 2017
Subject:  Need your help

Dear ————,

First of all, great job with your recent video – really entertaining.

Listen, I need your help with something.  Recently, there have been rumblings in the community that I am going to the right and dragging the Shul with me.  I could really use your help in correcting that impression.  What do you think about creating a controversy in which you make me look really progressive and modern.  You would attack me for something outrageous and call on the community to fire me for not being frum enough.  The people will rally around me and drop this distraction about going to the right.  It could really work.

I have attached our adult education brochure so you can see if there is anything in there you can work with. Nobody else will be believable for cursing me out and calling me names.  I am really counting on you, please don’t let me down.

In great friendship,

Efrem

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From: ——-   imakemostBaaleiteshuva@gmail.com
To: R’ Efrem Goldberg baldisbeautiful@cutebeard.com
Date: January 3, 2017
Subject:  re: Need your help
Reb Efrem,

So great hear from you.  How is the family?  When can we play machana’im again, there is no way you win next time.

I look at brochure and not much to work with.  The only thing I think of is to attack you for this speaker Matthew Kelly.  I look into him and clearly there is nothing wrong but since he is Catholic, I might be able to get away with claiming he is a missionary and attacking you for bringing him in.  It is a stretch but just might work.  What you says?

By the way, did you hear, I recently gave out my 1 billionth CD.  People say can’t be because there aren’t that many Jews in the world, but they are just evil jealous criminals who don’t know what they talking about.

Send my regards to Pheeeeelip, and let me know what you think.

Your buddy,

——

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From: R’ Efrem Goldberg baldisbeautiful@cutebeard.com
To: ———  imakemostBaaleiteshuva@gmail.com
Date: January 4, 2017
Subject:  re: re: Need your help

R’ ——,

Regards from Rabbi Dweck from London, he says he misses hearing from you.

I am not sure the Kelly plan can work.  Anyone who does basic research will see he is a motivational speaker and that there is nothing wrong in hosting him, but if we have no choice, I say let’s go for it.  For it to work, I need you to really go for it.  Call me a wicked clown, worse than Korach and as many outrageous things as you can.  You know, the usual.

Thanks again,

 

Efrem

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From: ———-  imakemostBaaleiteshuva@gmail.com
To: R’ Efrem Goldberg baldisbeautiful@cutebeard.com
Date: January 6, 2017
Subject:  re: re: re: Need your he

Reb Efrem,

Sorry took me so long to get back to you, I ran out of sweaters and needed to shop for more.

I gave lecture about you, let me know what you think –

www.youtube.com/———-

Also, please send me your wife email address so I can instruct some followers to drive her crazy, then your community will really feel bad for you.

Kol tuv,

 

——-

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From: R’ Efrem Goldberg baldisbeautiful@cutebeard.com
To: ———-  imakemostBaaleiteshuva@gmail.com
Date: January 7, 2017
Subject:  re: re: re: re: Need your help

R’ ——-,

The video is a good start but I know you have more in you.  How about say anyone who would bring an idol worshipper like Matthew Kelly should be executed if there were a Sanhedrin.  They should be thrown to the garbage, not today but yesterday.

I know it sounds extreme, but if anyone can pull it off its you and I really need you.

By the way, I never asked you, are you related to my neighbors Isaac and Veronica?

Toda rabbah,
Efrem

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From: ——-  imakemostBaaleiteshuva@gmail.com
To: R’ Efrem Goldberg baldisbeautiful@cutebeard.com
Date: January 8, 2017
Subject:  re: re: re: re: re: Need your help

 

No, unfortunately, no relation, but they great people.

How is this video, I gave it all I got, it should do the trick –

www.youtube.com/————

 

B’yedidut,

 

——

 

P.S. Did I ever tell you that your beard is really cute and I love the way you carry gemara under your arm?

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From: R’ Efrem Goldberg reg@brsonline.org
To: ——— imakemostBaaleiteshuva@gmail.com
Date: January 9, 2017
Subject:  re: re: re: re: re: re: Need your help

 

R’ ———,

You won’t believe it, it’s working.  It was brilliant to have the whole controversy be from outsiders and not our members at all.  Our whole BRS community has been reaching out telling me how bad they feel for us and how much they support us.  That talk about being on the right is over. They are even insisting on another mini- sabbatical right away and are sending my family to a hotel for Pesach to “recover” from what you “did” to me.  Can you believe it?  Thank you so much for confirming just how great and special our BRS community is.

What can I possibly do to adequately thank you?  What is your favorite flavor of chummus, I am going to hook you up.

With great appreciation, your criminal, clown friend

 

Efrem

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On a serious note, Yocheved and I are deeply appreciative to the community for always coming together with love, support and a commitment to respect, dignity and derech eretz.

A Freilichen Purim,

 

Rabbi Efrem Goldberg

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